To Forgive or Not to Forgive? What's the Big Deal?
I can’t think of a better time of year to talk about one of the best gifts you can give yourself this Christmas. And it can belong to any of us provided we choose to to give it away once we’ve opened it. Though this gift is within everyone’s reach, sadly too few of us allow ourselves to enjoy the amazing benefits this gift has to offer.
The gift I’m referring to is you and me making the decision to forgive someone who has wronged us. We have all been hurt by someone at some point in our lives. (If you haven’t, you will be.) There are some offenses done against us that may seem impossible to forgive. And humanly speaking, they are. Yet if we take a look at The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant in Matthew 18:15-35, we will see that God’s instruction to “forgive” is not merely a suggestion, it’s a command. Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? Jesus responds, Not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
But here’s the thing. We serve a wonderfully wise God and He knows how damaging “unforgiveness” can be to His children. He does not want any of us to suffer the consequences of bitterness and resentment. So Jesus goes on to explain in this parable what happens to people when they refuse to allow their hearts to forgive the one who hurt them. The cost is described here. In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured . . . This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart. I used to read this story with eyes of disbelief pointing my finger at the wretched servant. How could he not forgive a fellow servant of a lesser debt when he had just been forgiven a large debt? Can you imagine?
I can because my eyes have now been opened wide to see that I am the wretched servant in the parable. God, through my faith in Christ, has forgiven me of a lifetime of sins. How can I not, then, offer forgiveness to anyone who has sinned against me? Is God asking too much of us to forgive others who have hurt us? NO. NO. NO. The Lord understands choosing to forgive is for our good. It may be of benefit to the one who is being forgiven, but I think God’s focus in this passage is on the one who was offended. For this person holds the gift of forgiveness in his hands.
God knows that when we choose to hold onto unforgiveness in our own hearts, we are the ones being tortured. We are tortured by being stuck in a mindset of being a “victim” of our circumstances. The “jailor” in the above parable is our enemy who finds great delight in robbing us of the peace and joy we experience when we release our offender through forgiveness. Satan wants us to think there are no consequences to harboring resentment, when in actuality, it’s a poison that keeps us sick!. Why not dump the poison and open the gift?
Forgiveness does NOT mean we condone the offensive act done against us. Nor does it mean there aren’t consequences to the other’s sin. Forgiveness is also not dependent on the offender asking to be forgiven. Choosing to forgive means that our past won’t keep offending us when we do think on it. The past begins to lose it’s hold as we begin to heal and move forward. The chains start to drop. We experience freedom and rest. Why not open the gift?
Emotional freedom is a process which, with God’s help will happen over time. It may even take the help of a pastor or counselor to guide you through your hurt and help move you toward healing. However, the decision to forgive can be made today. It’s your choice. So what do you say? How about this Christmas you give yourself a gift which has cost our Savior everything but can be yours for the asking?
Lord, help me to forgive my offender today. I choose to forgive. Amen.
This blog is taken from one of the chapters in my new book, “Walking Through Fire Without Getting Burned.” Lord willing, this book will be published in 2019.