Lemons to Lemonade: Tool #4 to Equip You for Battle: Watch Your Mouth - It Can Bite You
Did you know that your tongue can be used as a weapon? I grew up as the only girl with two older brothers and my mouth learned to battle with the best of them. I mastered the sarcastic jab. Our words can cut like a dagger when used to criticize and condemn. Or they can be used to build someone up and to make them feel honored. The choice is ours as to which words exit our mouth. Sounds simple, but so very hard to control. “No man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness” (James 3:8-9). So how do we tame this muscular organ in our mouth? I recommend sliding the tongue forward an inch or so and gently biting it with your teeth until the urge to speak passes. It has saved me many times. But there is an even better solution.
The Holy Spirit is our biggest advocate in controlling the tongue. The Spirit enables God’s grace to flow through us as we speak. He wants to help us manage our words. Spending time alone with the Father and in his Word each day is a great place to start. Often, the things we say are a reflection of what’s going on inside. “But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart” (Matthew 15:18). Getting our heart right with God is key.
Praying, journaling, and acknowledging our desperate need for God are three of the tools we’ve looked at in prior Lemons to Lemonade blogs. But how can the tongue be used as a weapon to help us persevere through the rough times? First, work hard to prevent unkind and condemning words from being spoken in the first place. Like toothpaste pressed out of it’s tube, the mess we make with an unbridled tongue cannot be retracted. It’s a lot of work to undo the damage of hurtful words. The Holy Spirit gives us the power to restrain from negative talk when we yield to Him. You choose whether to allow your speech to bless and build a bridge to a better relationship or to speak harsh words that will tear that relationship down.
Understand that Ephesians 4:29, “Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you. (Good News Translation) is not a suggestion but a command. I can lash out with my ammunition of hurtful comments to put someone in their place. But the pleasure, if any, is extremely short lived and not worth the consequence. Harsh words are a benefit to no one except “the thief who comes only to steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10). Speaking unwholesome, harmful words opens a window to our soul for the enemy to do his number on us. Guard your tongue so that you will guard your heart. Don’t let your own words bite you.
Take this simple litmus test before speaking to someone by asking yourself these questions:
Is it true?
Is it necessary?
Is it edifying (does it improve that person by saying it?)
If saying something might hurt another person, keep your trap shut.
A quick word on slander - If our intent in speaking is to cause others to think less about the one we are speaking of, even if what we are saying is the truth … it is a slander of which God despises. Jesus says in Matthew 15:11, “what comes out of a man’s mouth, that is what makes a man unclean.” Slander is an unattractive reflection of you.
When we speak words that benefit and encourage others, people will be less likely to respond with negative and destructive words. By choosing to bless rather than curse, we set a precedent for how the conversation is likely to go. Our humble response may help silence argumentative comments and offenses. Thus, guarding our tongue is for our own good and protection as well.
This week, write down and memorize the three litmus test questions listed above. Ask the Holy Spirit to remind you to put your words to the test before you say them.
“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Colossians 4:6).