Finding Restoration Post Divorce - Part Three
Every 13 seconds, there is one divorce in America. (wf-lawyers.com) How sobering is that? Divorce is an unpleasant topic of discussion but it is so prevalent and so very painful it cannot be ignored. Sadly there is little difference in the commonness of divorce among Christians and the general population. Sadly, too, the Church is sometimes known to be the only one who shoots its wounded. And when your marriage ends you are wounded, trust me.
So what are we to do if divorce has happened to us?
In this third post on the hard place of Divorce, let’s do a quick recap of what we’ve covered so far. In The Stigma of Divorce - Taking off the Scarlet Letter “D”, we looked at the many emotions one may feel throughout and after the divorce process. The ugliest one, I think, being shame and the feeling that others now see you as different and flawed. In “Moving Forward After Divorce,” we looked at the absolute importance of seeing ourselves as God, through Christ, ses us - accepted, adopted, blameless, blessed....and of learning to walk each day putting on this truth.
The fallout of our carrying SHAME is destructive. To overcome shame we need to see where this feeling comes from. Please understand that God is never the author of shame. The author of shame is generally Satan himself. The Holy Spirit may convict us of our guilt, where we feel “I did something bad.” But then God gives us the opportunity to seek forgiveness and make a change. Our guilt is forgiven at the Cross. “In Christ, God has cast our sin as far as the East is from the West” (Psalm 103:2).
However, it is NOT God’s desire for the divorcee to ever wear the “D” of shame which comes from a failed marriage. Shame is saying to yourself, “I am bad and unworthy.” Friend, if you are a follower of Jesus Christ, God sees you covered with the robe of His righteousness (Isaiah 61:10). In Christ, you are holy and blameless in his sight (Ephesians 1:4).
He is a God of forgiveness and fresh starts. His mercies are new every morning. (Lamentations 3:23) Choose today to walk in God’s mercies.
If you go to blueletterbible.org and search the word “shame,” you will find 116 different verses of Scripture containing the word shame. According to these passages we can lie in shame, live in it, be clothed in it, bring it with us, cause it, turn back in it, and feel it deeply. Realize that shame needs a place to reside.YOU CAN CHOOSE TO TELL SHAME “NO THANK YOU!” Remember, He who is in us is greater than he who is in the world (1John 4:4). Christ in us gives us the power to release the shame we hold.
We have far too much life to live to give this painful emotion further permission to stay. If it sounds like I am beating a dead horse by reiterating over and over how destructive shame is and how you need to kick it to the abyss, I make no apologies. Just be certain you have made your own peace with shame and move on.
Let’s end with a list of some practical advice gathered from many conversations with men and women who have also experienced divorce. Here’s to all of us living the abundant life God desires for his children, a life void of shame:
10 HELPS FOR YOURSELF AS A DIVORCEE
If you don’t have a relationship with Jesus Christ now is a great time to begin one. To learn more, speak with a pastor, talk with a friend who is a Christian, read my book, Abiding in Christ - What is it Anyway? or email me and I will do my best to walk you through the process.
Forgive yourself and the one who has hurt you.
Stay in God’s Word for daily strength.
Speak aloud who you are to Christ (See Eph 1:1-14).
Journal your thoughts and your needs as a prayer to the Lord. Take time to listen to the Lord’s response.
Pray for your ex - whether you feel like it or not. Trust God on this one.
Connect with others who have been through similar trying circumstances and are doing well.
Share how shame has affected you. Talk about your struggles with a trusted friend or a professional counselor.
Do not pay attention to what others may be saying about you or your circumstances. Instead hold onto 1Peter 2:15: For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men.
Choose to take off the “D” of shame and replace it with a “B” for Blessed. Know that God delights in you!
Next time we’ll look at how we as “the church” can better help people going through the difficulties of divorce. Any input you may have on this is greatly appreciated while I am putting together this final post on divorce. You can respond on the HopeforHardPlaces.com website or directly to my email at kirbyking0413@gmail.com.