LEMONS TO LEMONADE: Tool #8 to Equip You for Battle: Forgive Whether You Feel Like it or NOT
In continuing our look at various tools that will better equip us in this battlefield called “life”, we cannot leave out the tool of forgiveness. What do you do if you've been hurt or offended by another person and you’re having a hard time moving past the offense and not obsessing over it any longer? The answer? You choose to forgive.
Newsflash #1: God doesn’t merely suggest that we try and forgive someone, He commands us to forgive.
Check out the parable of the “Unmerciful Servant” in Matthew 18:24-45 (seriously, take some time to read it). Jesus is responding to Peter’s question, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me?”
Jesus answers with a disturbing story of a servant who refuses to forgive a small debt of another servant. It did not turn out well for him. The servant was sent to jail to be tortured. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart” Matt 18:35. Friend, this isn’t because God is cruel. This is because He knows that we are sadly the ones who are tortured when we hold onto a grudge. Unforgiveness gives the enemy an open target to hit on us. The negative effect which unforgiveness plays on our mind and our body are the bars that keep us confined.
Newsflash #2: Our decision NOT to forgive someone can cause a myriad of health problems such as increased blood pressure and risk of heart attack, increased cholesterol levels, sleep disturbance, loss of joy and depression. Notice I said problems in “us” and not our offender. Rehashing our old hurts and talking about them certainly doesn’t add anything good to our relationship with other people either.
Here’s a saying that’s been around for years. “Not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Doesn’t sound too smart, does it? Which person gets sick here?
“The thief comes to steal and kill and destroy. But I came that they may have life and have it abundantly” John 10:10. I have shared this Scripture over and over with people who are experiencing bitterness and resentment from their unforgiveness. If someone in your life has hurt you deeply, then most likely the enemy has already robbed you of many precious things. He delights in chaining us to the pains in our past. You choosing to offer forgiveness tells the enemy, “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! YOU CAN TAKE NO MORE! YOU WILL NOT HAVE MY JOY!”
While working on this post, I became convicted of some unfinished business I needed to take care of. I still had some forgiving to do. I have been sitting on a grudge. And I know better. Stinging comments were said to me out of the other person’s anger. I didn’t respond with words nor did I deal with the offense. Instead I tried to convince myself they didn’t hurt. But they hurt a lot. I took the bait of those unkind words and let them become a breeding ground for anger and grief.
Here’s how I work through the forgiveness process. I CHOOSE TO:
Trust God that his command to forgive is because of his great love for me. I remember that forgiveness is for my good and has nothing to do with my offender.
Ask God to help me forgive my offender (even to give me the “want to” to forgive.) I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” Phil 4:13.
Name the feelings the offense has caused in me (ie. anger, grief, guilt, shame) so I can do a better job of letting those negative emotions go (since I really don’t want them to stay!)
Make the decision to give up my right to hurt or punish the one who hurt me. I “drop the rocks” I’ve been collecting to throw back at the offender. And to be honest, those rocks of retaliation keep finding their way back into my hand. Especially when the offenses are repeated. So I pray, start back at #1 of trusting God and God gives me the strength to choose to release the hurt again.
UNFORGIVENESS HURTS YOU. Forgiveness is an active process of setting yourself free. Do you have some unfinished business to take care of today?
You can read more on forgiveness and other tools to help you walk through your challenges in “Walking Through Fire Without Getting Burned” available on Amazon.