What Qualities Make a Friend an Especially "Good Friend?"
I did a survey recently among friends and friends of friends asking them all to answer the same request: List your top 1-3 qualities you most appreciate in a friend that makes him/her an especially “good friend.” As I tallied up the reponses, the results were interesting. Certain character traits were mentioned over and over. It got me thinking and I hope it does the same for you.
The number one response describing an especially good friend is TRUSTWORTHY - someone we can rely on as honest or truthful. When we trust a person, we open ourselves up to go deeper in that relationship. We share things that may not be meant to share with others. Being vulnerable in this way has the potential to come back and harm us. This is why “trustworthy” has to be a two way street. You’re safe to confide with me and I am with you. If you’ve been burned by confiding with a friend in the past it can make it hard to trust again.
.HONESTY also ranked at the top of the list. Both of these qualities are interrelated. If you’re honest you’re trustworthy, loyal and sincere. The old cartoon character, Popye, says it best, “I am what I am and dat’s what I am.” How wonderful to experience a friendship where there is no falseness or deception between the two of you. There’s no need to pretend to be someone you’re not. You are safe together, warts and all.
While writing this I got a call from an especially close friend. Our friendship goes back 25 years when our children were in grammar school together. Every week we’d drop our kids off at school and walk together. On any particular day, one of us may have been in a “crisis” mode and needed a good sounding board in which to vent. But our sharing was never one sided. The listening was mutual. A lot of laughs and life have been shared between the two of us. I’ve considered why this particular friendship has endured the years even though we now live hours apart. It’s not just that we trust each other. It’s her honesty. She’s that friend who isn’t afraid to be lovingly direct and frank with me if that’s what I need to hear. And I’m the same way with her. This is how “iron sharpens iron, and one (wo)man sharpens another” Proverbs 27:17. We are better people because we are friends. What we share is mutual trust and honesty.
Be trustworthy in your words. Consistently keep your word with God’s help, and stay away from gossip and slander. Be a trustworthy friend! Proverbs 25:9-10, MSG
The third most mentioned quality is LOYAL - A loyal friend gives you unyielding support. He or she is committed to reaching out, taking action, and standing beside you in the hard times. Loyalty is selfless. (Think “golden retriever” and you’ve got the picture.) The most famous friendship in the Bible is that of the reigning King’s son, Jonathan, and a shepherd boy, David. “And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt” 1 Samuel 18: 3-4. Jonathan’s loyalty to David cost Johnathan inheriting his father’s throne. Loyalty can come at a price.
Another top contender, and the final one we will look at, for what makes a great friend is the person is either FUNNY or FUN to be with. They make you laugh. Not everything in life has to be so serious! Honestly, I’m not a very good “planner of fun things.” I’m often just trying to get through my day. If I want to have some fun (which I do), it’s important that I have friends who are better in the creative planning department then I am. Once this friend and I are together, I do my part in helping to make the occasion fun!
Researching friendship, and the qualities that make a friendship good has been pretty convicting. I think I do well in being trustworthy and sincere, but I can fall way short of the mark in sacrificing my time and energy to stand alongside a friend if it’s not convenient. I want to be a better friend and I’ll bet you do too. So here’s a question to consider this week before we take a further look at friendship:
Am I the kind of friend to others that I want a friend to be to me?