Friends - Which Kinds are in Your Garden?

I have spent endless hours trying to write this little series on “Friends.” I wasn’t thinking it would be this challenging, but maybe I’ve not given my own friendships the attention they need. I have researched every Bible verse that includes the word “friend;” looked at websites on the diversity of friends, surveyed my own friends for their opinions and yet I have felt stuck. God, “What is it You want me to learn from all this information I’m finding? How am I to help others be a better friend if I feel so deficient in being the kind of friend to others that I want to be? Help me, Lord.”

I would be the biggest hypocrite of all to say I am close to qualified to write on friendship. I am not, but I’m starting to understand some reasons why I feel so torn. In last week’s blog, we looked at qualities that help make a person an especially good friend. I ended the post posing this question. Ask yourself - Am I the kind of friend to others that I want a friend to be to me? (If you missed it, I don’t mind waiting here for you to take a moment and go back and read “What Qualities Make a Friend an Especially "Good Friend?" at HopeforHardPlaces.com.) Does anyone else struggle with being the kind of friend you’d like to have? 

I’m finding it helpful to picture our friends like plants in a garden. If every flower you plant is the same kind of flower… well it’s just dull. Beautiful gardens are filled with a diversity of plants which are going to bloom and do their “special thing” in whatever season for which they were planted. Each plant in a garden requires its unique kind of nurturing to keep it vibrant. 

Personally, I do best with the perennials; they’re rather low maintenance yet they keep coming back (and if I skip a few days of watering them they don’t start looking weary). Because of the perennial’s steadfastness, I have the pleasure of enjoying them season after season. The perennial friend doesn’t need to be together all the time in order to thrive. When this friend shows up we “pick up where we left off” and bloom all over again. Can you think of who your perennials are?

Annuals, on the other hand, are planted for a specific season. Some only bloom for a brief time, while others are resilient and flower for months. Here’s the thing. Annuals aren’t intended to come back every year. Instead they fill a need or offer colorful enjoyment for a set time. And then they’re gone. I don’t need to feel bad that my geranium won't rebloom next spring after a cold winter if I remember that its delight was only intended for a season. 

My struggle is in wanting to enjoy each friend forever. It saddens me to watch a friendship fade. Yet the “annual” friend might be someone God brings into our life to help us walk through a difficult trial. She may have life experiences we need and she comes alongside to see us though. Once our trial is over she moves on to help another friend in need. It’s hard to think of any friend as “temporary” because they are all valuable gifts to us. Can you name the annuals in your life? Do they look the same or is your garden diverse? 

Investing in friendships is worth our attention. “A sweet friendship refreshes the soul” Prov 27:9. Great friends give our lives greater purpose. They help us see beyond our limited world of “self.” Some friends are meant to come and go. A few will be like the oak tree. The oak tree friend is to be enjoyed for a lifetime. “There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” Proverbs 18:24. Over the years the roots have grown deep. These friends can weather life’s storms and disagreements (and some neglect), yet they are there for you when you need them. Who are your oak trees?

Over the next few weeks we’ll look further into being the kind of friend God wants us to be. WOULD YOU HELP ME? Take just a moment now and tell me how someone has been an especially good friend to you? I’d like to put the list together and share so we might learn from each other.