Preparing for the Holidays - How to Know if You’re Doing Too Much
The Holiday season of 1995 is one I’d like never to repeat. I take full responsibility for what I experienced because I’m the one who allowed the craziness to happen. I knew the expression of “setting healthy boundaries” yet I had not yet put the concept into effect. Instead I said “yes” to almost every request that came my way. The best way I can describe the result is I had myself an ugly nervous breakdown. It was a very frightening experience for a mom of any age. Looking back on what I can remember of that season, it was literally a blurr.
I had become a master of multitasking. (Okay, I’m still very good at it.) I had learned to view activities such as my daughter’s 30 minute piano lesson as a personal challenge against the clock. An obstacle-race of sorts with my race beginning at the moment of drop off. The course consisted of the six minute drive to Winn Dixie, snatching my two boys from their car seats and plopping them into the shopping cart. I found I made faster time down the grocery aisles when I could run through each food section with my kids in the cart instead of allowing them to try and keep up. I would keep my racing blinders fastened to obscure my view of any humans in the store, praying that I’d see no one I knew so as not to have to be rude and pretend I didn’t see them. I had no time for small talk. (How shallow does that sound?) This mom was on a mission that could not be thwarted. I’d hold my breath hoping for a short cash register line to allow me the time I needed to get us back into the car and to drive the six minutes back to retrieve my child from her piano lesson. I already had my, “Sorry mommy is late,” speech ready in case she was standing outside waiting. If I beat the 30 minute clock and wasn’t late, I’d won the race.
Overcommitment and always running late kept my heart racing. I knew I couldn’t keep this insane pace up forever. I don’t know when or how I had allowed things to get this way. Often I could hear myself taking a deep slow breath to try and get more air into my lungs. My chest felt physically tight from the stress. I didn’t know how to slow myself down. Or maybe I didn’t want to slow down. Driving was dangerous. I’d find myself arriving at a destination point, with kids in the car, and not knowing how I’d gotten there. I was running on autopilot. My thoughts were in a thousand places, scrambled by all the other things I needed to get done. This craziness didn’t begin with the holidays but it sure was a setup for disaster.
This particular year, 1995, I had allowed for far too much to be put on my plate. I was spinning so many “yes-I-can-do-that” plates that it was a circus. And I was the crazy ring leader trying to balance a life of wobbling plates: my husband and children, my job, my church activities, playing tennis, volunteering...
Our town has always been wonderful in their efforts to care for the needs of the less fortunate. There were so many needs and it seemed only right to do something to help. Yet I had overcommitted without thinking through the cost to my family. Were meeting these needs worthwhile causes? Absolutely! Was I to say yes to being involved in each one? Most certainly not. As the days neared to Christmas, I found myself being in the midst of beautiful displays of colored lights and only seeing a haze. I would hear wonderful Christmas music and not be able to enjoy it. My senses were dull, my emotions were numb. I was depressed and completely overwhelmed. I had no boundaries and I didn’t know how to set them. I just wanted Chrtistmas to be over.
Can you relate? Have you found yourself saying yes to more than you care to handle? Do you desire for this holiday season to be better?
How do we know if we are too busy? If we are doing too much? It’s a difficult question to answer. Your season of life with or without children may be different than mine. My God-given energy level may be different than yours. Yet we are all here for a purpose. “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10
Here is what God showed me later that same year after I hit my overload. He graciously shed light on my out of control addiction to busyness. God knew I wanted to change. He knows I still need to change. He is continuing to teach me how to look to Him before I say “yes” to activities which will require time and energy. Inside the front pages of my Bible, twenty five years ago, I wrote the following words the Lord spoke to my heart one morning after that crazy Christmas. I pray these words are helpful for each of us as we move into the increased pace of 2020’s Thanksgiving and Christmas season. Don’t you agree that this year has been wild enough already? As you read this, prayerfully ask God if you might be too busy. Ask Him to lead you in the way He wants you to go.
If you are going too fast to see all that I have done for you; to drink it in and enjoy my gifts of beauty that I have provided for you; then you are indeed too busy. When you feel my pleasure upon you as you run you are in my will and you will run with rest. Look out and see my creation and all of my splendor. Live for me and enjoy yourself. I love you more than anything.
God continues to teach me to pray and to ask Him first before I say “yes” to any activities which will require my time and energy. Here are some great resources to help you set your boundaries.
Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives by Dr. Richard Swenson (a book I read years ago that is excellent!)
The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands by Lisa Terkheurst
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
How to Make Room for Your Calling - Proverbs 31 Ministries podcast by Lisa Allen (10/29/18)
May we be challenged this holiday season to seek God first in the things we commit ourselves to and to keep our eyes on Him.