What's a Mom to do When She Finds Herself Single Again? Part 2 - Know Who You Are in Christ
I will begin with the disclaimer I made in last week's post on being single after several decades of being married. I make no claims on being an expert in the field of singleness or of dating again. Rather I am a woman who is working hard at figuring out how to navigate the life I’ve been handed.
If sharing my own struggles and solutions God gives me can offer others hope and encouragement then I am blessed. We will all experience some surprising challenges throughout life. Being solo again is one of mine and at my age it is serving to remind me on a daily basis that I need the Lord’s guidance every inch of the way. And that, I believe, is a good thing.
A quick recap of what we’ve covered so far in “dating again”:
Take care of yourself first and get all the help you need to become emotionally and spiritually healthy before you consider becoming emotionally involved with someone else.
Do not rush into dating. Give yourself ample time to heal and to grow after your marriage has ended. I would have sold myself short if I had jumped too quickly into another relationship. I am grateful to have had a husband who managed much of our finances, home repairs, etc. but I am finding out that I CAN learn to do much more than I ever dreamed possible. I can now replace the ink cartridge on my printer, assemble all kinds of things which arrive in multiple pieces, repair toilets… who knew the potential within waiting for an opportunity to bloom! It feels empowering. Being uncomfortable in where we find ourselves can stretch us to become a stronger and better person.
KNOW WHO YOU ARE IN CHRIST. This is HUGE. If we don’t fully understand our value as a child of God then we will find ourselves continually changing our beliefs or behavior in order to satisfy other people - a human chameleon, tempted to become someone God never intended for us to be. That’s not attractive to anyone. God has a far greater identity for his children than for us to be defined by the person we are with.
With permission, I want to share with you a teaching from Cheryl Cannon, author and teacher of Bible Boot Camp. A Study in Ephesians. She taught it to me and I now share this anywhere I have an opportunity to do so. By memorizing the following list, my thinking has been transformed to do battle against the enemy’s attempts to make me believe I’m anything less than who God made me to be.
The list is taken from Ephesians 1:1-14 (I use NIV for my list) when Paul is speaking to believers in Ephesus describing the ways in which they are blessed by following Christ. Cheryl has categorized each description alphabetically to help us better remember what they are.
Here goes. Because I profess Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I am:
Accepted, Adopted, Blameless, Blessed, Chosen, Daughter of God (sonship), Forgiven, Heirs of Christ, Holy, Included (in His family), Predestined, Purposed, Saved, Sealed, (and have been given God’s) Wisdom and Understanding.
God delights in YOU because He made you! Please know how deeply you are loved by Abba Father. When we can understand this we are in a wonderful place to move forward into relating well with others. There is no one who will ever love us as unconditionally and beautifully as our Creator. Being certain of this truth will keep us from entering into any relationship with the notion we need to be anything other than who we are meant to be. When God alone is able to meet our needs, others will see this. And if they have a problem with it … it’s not our problem, it’s theirs.
Next time, in “What’s a Mom to do When She Finds Herself Single Again?” we will consider some of our options for meeting that someone special, whether or not we are to “date to marry,” and also being unapologetically honest in our dating profile.
I’ll encourage you now to take a few minutes and write down and try to commit to memory the characteristics of you you are in Christ.