What's a Mom to do if She Finds Herself Single Again? Part 3 - The UPS man or a Dating Site?
Finding oneself in the “dating” world after several decades of being out of the dating loop can be both exciting and intimidating. But let’s be honest, at my age it’s more intimidating than it is exciting. I’m choosing to embrace a quote from Helen Keller I recently came across. “Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” I’ll go with being daring over the status quo since I’m not crazy about the alternative of remaining single. Can it feel risky to put yourself “out there” for others to see as you search for love? You bet it is!
Initially I had hopes that some of my girlfriends would enjoy playing matchmaker and set me up with a magical Prince Charming they knew from work or church. But honestly, when you’ve been married a long time, most of your friends are also married and the selection of availability goes way down. The days of college dating when “boy meets girl” in class, the library, a party are gone. Dating “again” may require some work.
It didn’t take me long to realize that without anyone playing matchmaker on my behalf the odds of Mr. Wonderful showing up at my front door and sweeping me off my feet could be limited to the men delivering my Amazon packages. No offense to the hardworking UPS and FedEx guys on my street, but certainly there has to be a better way to find a man.
If not UPS then what about Online Dating Sites? Yep, dating sites are for old people too and it’s one of the most common ways to find a mate in the U.S. today. (And for those of us who can’t figure out how to do the technical parts, we can ask our kids to help us.) Dr. Henry Cloud, an author I greatly respect, wrote a book that has completely shifted my mindset for dating again. In “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping,” Cloud says “don’t date for marriage”. He suggests, instead, we look at dating as an opportunity to learn what we want, to learn about relationships and different kinds of people, and to discover our own identity. Dating this way takes a lot of pressure off. He also suggests that we date outside our “boxes,” the check off list we hold in our head of the qualities we think our guy must have for a relationship to work. Why not allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised that this special person may look different than the type you thought you’d be attracted to?
Online dating begins with creating your personal profile. I’ll end this post with a few suggestions I have found to be helpful. If it’s hard to find words to describe yourself, recruit some help. I asked my grown daughter and a friend for input. Don’t be afraid to tell the world how wonderful you are! Have some fun here. Would you want to date you?
Any good relationship needs to be built on trust so be completely authentic in everything you share. Honesty is key. Realize that your own quirky likes and dislikes may be just what someone else finds most endearing. Be proud of what makes you you. I’d rather someone reject my profile (before we have the opportunity to meet) than to find out I’m not at all the person I described myself to be. The photos you post of yourself? They need to look like you and not the 10 year younger version of you. Evidently this happens a lot and is a big negative when someone’s pictures online don’t match the actual person. Again, honesty is crucial.
Finally, yet most important, be upfront about who you are spiritually. If you’re a Jesus follower and your faith is important to you, say it. If this guy doesn’t love your Jesus then this guy is not good enough for you.