What’s a Mom to do When She Finds Herself Single Again? Part 4 - What If You Think You’ve Found Your Match?
I want to confess that I have not felt comfortable writing any of these posts on being “Single Again.” I’ve had some light hearted fun talking about my pursuit for Prince Charming, but I feel much more in my element when I’m sharing about the one thing I know how to do well - and that is how to run to Jesus when things get tough.
Being single at any age can fall into the category of “tough and challenging” so running to Jesus while stepping into the dating world should go hand in hand.
I feel much more comfortable sharing about parenting a special needs child or my struggles with apathy (which, thank you, Jesus, are gone!). However, I have felt the Lord leading me to share my present journey of struggles which can come to anyone who is single and navigating the dating arena. It can be an intimidating process. If my sharing helps benefit one person, then I am fine with being uncomfortable. God taught me years ago that He is far more interested in my conformity (becoming more like Him) than He is in my comfort.
The more I sit here and think about it, why shouldn’t we tackle dating the same way followers of Christ handle other challenges we face in life? We ask God to show us the way. Are you feeling nervous or overwhelmed? Then it’s the perfect time to look to God for guidance and ask Him what you need to do. In reading some of your responses to my past writings on being single again, FEAR OF STEPPING INTO THE UNKNOWN has a lot of us in the same “I’m afraid” club.
Being afraid to give dating a try, feeling insecure about yourself, or not even being able to conceive the notion of how a new relationship could possibly work out… all these emotions offer you a beautiful opportunity to be desperate for Jesus. Matthew 5:3, Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven, lets us know that God is very pleased when his children come to the sweet place of humility realizing just how much they need Him. This verse says we are blessed when we acknowledge our need for the Lord. (He already knows we need Him.) God wants to show us the steps to take throughout our dating journey and to bless us richly through the process with all that is His.
It was God’s idea in the first place that “man should not be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Our Father is all about a man and woman being together and falling in love. So give yourself, if you haven’t already, permission to pursue a relationship. It can start with a prayer. Oh God, I don’t know what I’m doing here. This scares me. Lord, please help me not mess up. Amen!
So here is a recap of what we have covered thus far in looking at dating:
Pray continually. In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly. Psalm 5:3
Obtain the counseling help you need to get yourself healthy before involving yourself with another person.
If you are holding onto unforgiveness toward someone who has hurt you or unforgiveness towards yourself for something you have done, choose to FORGIVE NOW. (Take a look at “To Forgive or Not to Forgive? What’s the Big Deal? Dec. 13, 2019 Blog in HopeforHardPlaces.com)
Know who you are in Christ and how valuable you are to Him. No one can love you as well as He does.
Be fully honest throughout your dating process - with yourself, when writing your profile, in relating to others.
You think you may have found your “Match”? Great! Go slow! Here is where full honesty with God and your trust in Him knowing what’s best for you is of utmost importance. When our emotions are running in high gear, the wisdom in our heads can shift into “Park.” The Bible is packed with guidelines lovingly designed to protect and guide a man and woman in how to enjoy God’s very best for them as a couple. It requires discipline, mutual respect and obedience to God’s way of doing things.
Friend, if a fella you’ve found is not God’s best for you, you don’t want him. Really, you don’t. No matter how good and wonderful and almost perfect this new relationship may seem, if the Holy Spirit is flashing a red light or even a yellow caution light inside your head, HEED the warnings. There is most definitely something that is worse than the loneliness you may be experiencing in being single. Trust that God has a plan for you and that it is very good.
I’m aware that these past four articles I’ve shared on being single again are all over the place with random thoughts, suggestions and scriptures. Welcome to the way my brain thinks. I am writing from where I am walking this very day and I am sharing while I am learning. The whole process, still a bit frightful, is truly all about abiding in Christ. When we walk closely in relationship with Him, there is no need to fear and only a need to wait with an eager anticipation for good things to come.
Folks, please keep sharing with me where God has you personally in all of this. I learn so much from you and we can truly help one another experience the best God has for us.